Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Thirteen

Installment #13 Love & Respect

Eggerichs continues on giving advice to men. A lot of it is quite good. He even says that the husband "should not act independently of his wife and the wife should not act independently of the husband. A husband and wife should and can act together." (pg 257 LP) He then quotes "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" Eph 5:21. Wow! Eggerichs uses this verse in the context of husband and wife! Excellent!

Eggerichs talks about women getting "historical," meaning bringing up things from the past and how she wants to get them resolved. He claims that this is because "a woman's approach to solving that conflict is very different from a man resolving conflict." (pg 259) I believe this to be one of the places he calls "differences between men and women" simply a difference in people-that one wants to resolve issues and the other doesn't seem to want to and since men-because of the fall-have power over women, women consistently try to equalize it and men avoid it. When men are being treated poorly, it really affects them. This isn't a difference between men and women as much as it is a difference in how men and women are treated in the relationship and in society. "The typical male resolves conflict without a lot of discussion, sharing of feelings or apologies." (pg 259) I think this is true between men-IF-you are dealing with no power disparities. Bring in power and you have a different scenario.

Eggerichs says a number of times that a woman "thinks" things. (pg 260, 261) He implies these thoughts are random with no reason behind them. I find this a mansplain about women. Women don't just "think" things irrationally for no reason. Men need to take some time and find out why.

Eggerichs talks about convincing your wife you mean things and to express sorrow for it-although he says "be sure you mean it-if she detects insincerity..you're probably due for another spin on the crazy cycle." (pg 263) Interestingly, Eggerichs claims that "women are wired for equality...she doesn't like feeling inferior...but neither does she want you to feel you're inferior." (pg 265) Bing-ba-ding! Eggerichs wins the prize! Women are tired of being treated like an inferior by men. That's the whole point here. If men can stop doing this, they can get off the "crazy cycle."

Although there is truth to what Eggerichs says next, I have to give some caution: "Oddly enough, one of the things that turns her on is humility.....this touches her so much that she may grab your hand and drag you to the bedroom. Now that seems like a pretty good deal worth any possible loss of respect....a man (said) "This week I said I'm sorry 84 times!" (pg 266) Firstly, I find it interesting that Eggerichs equates saying "I'm sorry" with a loss of respect. That's not really how this works. Eggerichs still thinks that being equal with a woman and admitting wrong is some sort of cow-tow and browbeat on him from the woman. This is dangerous. And it can cause a man to learn to manipulate a woman's emotions, saying he is sorry when he isn't just to get her to believe him and trust him and then use her in the bedroom. This is transactional thinking. What women really want is a man to actually treat her as an equal and believe she is one. A real and true equal and human with thoughts and goals of her own. Pretending to believe she's equal to get a romp in the hay will leave a man feeling "disrespected" but only because he projects his disrespect towards her onto her. He begins to accuse her of what he is guilty of.

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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