Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Fifteen

Installment #15 Love & Respect

Eggerichs talks about the COUPLE acronym. Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem. "A man should esteem and cherish his beloved." (pg 283) Interesting. Esteem is a synonym for respect. Didn't he just made a case that men need respect and women need love? "God has made women so they they want to be esteemed, honored and respected." (pg 283) BUT FOR WOMEN, Eggerichs says "it is a different kind of honor from what you seek as a man." (pg 283) He doesn't say what he bases this on. We can only assume that he wants respect and esteem to be different for a man and a woman so he just claims that it is. He says that a wife wants respect but only as a COMPONENT of love.

Eggerichs uses the acronym CHAIRS for men, and that the man wants to "chair" the relationship. Apparently this isn't about "being superior" but about protecting her and being willing to die for her. I find it interesting that he says men want to CHAIR the relationship by protecting her but that the first instinct of some men is to assume a woman is automatically trying to trap him when she wants reassurance as was quoted in my last installment. The very definition of instinctive protection would give a woman reassurance that he IS protecting her. This makes me think that chairing the relationship is perhaps more about "he shall rule over thee" than anything else.

Eggerichs states that "You will never be able to show her the amount of emotional openness and esteem that she really wants-no man could." So again, as Eggerichs has stated previously, it is truly hopeless for men but "symbolic things can do a great deal to bridge the gap." (pg 287 LP) Eggerichs has given men an out a few times in the book so far saying it's basically hopeless. ("Be aware, however, that a woman's need to feel you understand is insatiable." pg 250 LP) So, apparently the idea is for men to throw some sort of bone in their wife's direction so at least he can say he tried.

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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