Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Eighteen

Installment #18 Love & Respect

Eggerichs again talks about a "good willed man" as he mentions workaholism. He states it is a "real and serious problem"...."what he needs is support and respect for his work efforts. If he is a good-willed man....he will realize it, and you can talk through it and work it out." (pg 328) He points women to an appendix about workaholism in his book which states that "unemotional and positive appeals WILL HAVE their effect on any good willed man" (pg 501) and that "a gentle spirit WILL BRING OUT the gentleman in him" and that "eventually he WILL turn his ship around." (pg 502)

Eggerichs is not saying this to women who have husbands who work too hard. He is specifically saying this about workaholics. Workaholism is an addiction. It's not a fake addiction. It's not addiction-lite. Yes, Emerson, just keep telling women to pop that hopium. It is true that some addicts can change but for Eggerichs to tell women-just do this and it WILL work as long as he's a "good-willed man," he is telling women to lead while letting the man lead, to help while not helping. To enmsallinate while not ensmallinating. To enable addiction.

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In this article, workaholism is described:
https://mentaltreat.com/workaholism-101/
Workaholism is an addiction, like drugs...that can change someone's personality and values. It distorts reality, for these people can often lead to much larger problems within a relationship or family unit. Workaholics eventually will lose their personal and professional integrity as a result.

In order to understand workaholism, you have to understand that the individual's behavior and character are altered. Workaholics are work-obsessed, yes, but eventually, they become addicted to the power and control that comes with their compulsive need for approval and status. Eventually, nothing else will really matter.

- Narcissism was positively associated with workaholism. It explains the constant impatience and compulsion that come with being a workaholic.
- Conscientiousness was negatively associated with workaholism, leading to impatience. These people tend to be snippier and in a hurry.
- Agreeableness was negative to the compulsion to work. Workaholics have a high standard of perfectionism and cannot take criticism or suggestion well.
- Openness to experience was also positively related to the multi-tasking component of workaholism.

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I suspect Eggerichs uses the problem of workaholism instead of other addictions in his book because it seems more socially acceptable, especially in Christian circles. But it is an addiction just the same. Partners with addictions need to not deny the reality of the addiction and to stop taking hopium. (The drug that hope becomes in addictive relationships.) His advice to partners of addicts and abusive men while differentiating between "good willed men" and "evil-willed" men is concerning especially since he already mentioned a man who threw a dish into his wife's face, a cheater and an alcoholic as men who were helped by their wife's actions and that a woman can tell if her husband is "good-willed" by asking "Is my husband, as unaware and unloving as he is, a man of goodwill? If the answer to this question is yes, in any degree at all, then this wife can start making her list." (pg 305)

What does this mean? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? He says "in any degree at all." Do you know how easy it is for women whose husbands are in addiction to find excuses for his behavior? Do you understand that women do this for years before finding help? Do you understand this is exactly the behavior of a wife whose husband is in the throes of addiction and abuse? Do you know how many women were robbed, choked or killed by an intimate partner that could see "good" in her man? Understand that when the above article says "Workaholics eventually will lose their personal and professional integrity as a result" that this is reality. This is true of all addicts. And yet Eggerich's advice-not to wives of hard workers-but to wives of WORKAHOLICS is "unemotional and positive appeals WILL HAVE their effect on any good willed man" (pg 501) "eventually he WILL turn his ship around." (pg 502)

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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