Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Twenty

Installment #20 Love & Respect

Eggerichs, when speaking of Adam and Eve in the garden, says a couple of telling things. He says "Was this the first case of a husband being led by his wife with a ring in his nose? Or did Adam simply not want to let Eve get ahead of him by having knowledge he would not have?" (pg 369 LP)

I find it interesting that he immediately jumps to an either/or hierarchical argument. He states EITHER Adam was being LED by the nose by Eve OR Adam wanted to make sure Eve wasn't able to get "ahead" of him in knowledge. The truth is we don't know of Adam's motive, which Eggerichs states. However, someone once gave a theory that Adam didn't want Eve to be cast from God alone. I am not advocating for that view but I am saying that what people assume can sometimes be telling. He accuses Eve of "influencing him to follow her lead." (pg 370) The only thing the scripture says is that she "saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." Genesis 3:6 So, she saw something she thought was good and shared it. Other than that, we can't accuse Eve of trying to influence him to "follow her lead." Eggerichs even accuses her of "orchestrating things and got Adam to listen to her, even though he knew better." (pg 370) With this accusing tone, he then asks how this applies to wives today. "Are wives taking over and becoming the primary voice in the marriage?" And calls us to return to "biblical balance." Then, since Eve was deceived, he asks wives if it is possible that "you might be deceived on certain fronts?" Of course looking at our own motives is a good thing but this feels more like gaslighting.

Eggerichs warns women against having contempt for their husbands saying that "a contemptuous, critical spirit is not the way to win over your "disobedient" husband to your convictions." (pg 372) He asks wives to ask if "you may possibly have an attitude of self righteousness."

Eggerichs talks about a wife "sinning" and then, amazingly, launches into a husband telling his wife she is "putting on a few pounds. In truth-its more than a few pounds-his wife has let herself go." (pg 374) However, he states if she brings up his weight in kind, she is "discounting and disparaging" and she will "bring up some other log that he needs to get out of his own eye-that time she caught him viewing internet pornography or overindulging in alcohol." (pg 375) This is incredible. Women gain weight from pregnancy, metabolism slowing down, menopause etc. Apparently, according to Eggerichs the husband bringing this up is quite alright because "it is time to be honest" but her bringing up his issues is "some other log he needs to get out of his own eye." Apparently, her bringing up issues is criticism and contempt and his bringing up issues is just "time to be honest."

He says husbands and wives should "together...examine any situation where something is amiss and try to come to a solution." (pg 376) He sprinkles in this good advice with the rest of it. Then he randomly mentions "People have ...confessed to me...that they took medication to escape an unresolved interpersonal issue...it was a case of avoidance." (pg 376) Well what sort of medication? Anti-depressants? Opioids? Context matters. And the stories behind this claim matters, too. At this point, I feel a need to dig deeper behind what seems to be an open and shut case. If abuse of opioids, then yes, there is an avoidance issue. If it's anti-depressants prescribed for depression then it can't be called simply an avoidance issue. There is a saying, too, that seems applicable here: before you diagnose yourself with depression (or let a doctor do so), make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by butt-holes.

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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