Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part 21

Installment #21 Love & Respect

Eggerichs talks about insight. He titles this as (you should) "appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel". (pg 364 Large Print) But let's be honest. What this means is "appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel" YOU. And really, this is fine, with the exception that it seems to be all one way directional.

In discussing male quietness, Eggerichs says "he winds up thinking, If I say something, I'm in trouble. If I don't say something, I'm in trouble" (pg 379). Yesterday, on Bare Marriage, Sheila Wray Gregoire wrote https://baremarriage.com/2025/12/how-a-comment-thread-on-a-social-media-post-represents-a-masculinity-panic-lets-analyze/ about a masculinity panic. She wrote about how so many men are in a panic on media posts and the things they are writing, such as insults and hostility towards women, male victim narratives, a minimization of how much domestic labor women do and sexual entitlement. To this, I replied "I guess this is why a lot of husbands refuse to share what they are thinking with their spouses." And it does seem to correlate with what Eggerichs says here. If men are thinking these things and express them to their wives, indeed, they are going to be in trouble.

After this, Eggerichs talks about "relationship." He spends a great deal of time saying that men want their wives to watch them work without saying anything. Eggerichs wants women, even if they have chores to do, to instead, silently watch their husbands work or silently watch TV with them. Eggerichs calls this "shoulder to shoulder friendship" and says it's the type of friendship men have "sharing an activity." (pg 384) However, Eggerichs, while requesting "shoulder to shoulder" activity between husbands and wives, is actually suggesting something entirely different. He suggests she WATCH him in silence. Odd. Do men watch other men work on cars in silence? No, They are working together. I did a google search and asked if men like their wives to watch them work and google said it depends on the man.

Eggerichs talks about a time his wife left and that it was a wonderful time and that "we hadn't really missed her that much" because we "hadn't missed all the badgering and criticizing" about picking up candy wrappers and shoes on the floor." (pg 389)

Eggerichs suggests wives just "be" with their husbands "don't talk; just be with him." (pg 395) He says to do this over a 12 week period and Eggerichs "almost guarantees he'll start talking. Will he look at you face to face? Probably not. Will he talk for a long time at first? Probably not. Will you be energized by this? Probably not. Will he be energized by this? Yes!" "Trust me. Your husband has a need you do not have." (pg 395)

Ok, so women, sit and watch your husbands work even though you have work to do and don't say anything and he might not look at you, might not talk much, and even though it does nothing for you, he will be energized by this. According to Eggerichs this is a "male need." I'll just leave this here because I'm a little speechless. (Maybe that was his goal.)

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

Shop at our Amazon store! This website is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.