Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Twenty Two

Installment #22 Love & Respect

Eggerichs talks sexuality. Once again, when Eggerichs talks, he manages to blame the woman. It seems like someone else did that after eating some fruit around the time of the fall, but I digress.

"The doctor and his wife did not have a happy marriage.....and it centered on HER ultimatum, which she had laid down several years before. She would not respond to him sexually until he met her emotional needs." (pg 397 Large Print) First of all, I want to say how sad it is that a couple would go years without sex. Eggerichs goes on. After the Lord "spoke to her" and said "Who is supposed to be the mature one here? He is a new believer and you have been in Christ for years......she decided to minister to her husband sexually, not because she wanted to but because she wanted to do it as unto Jesus Christ. She didn't have that need for sex....and the Lord had spoken to her about meeting his needs first." The woman then claims that he talked a lot after sex. "As she met his physical need, he reached out to meet her emotional need."

So, after Eggerichs lays out the supposed male need for authority and hierarchy and her need to basically follow him in all the previous chapters, he does a full switch and tells wives it's their job to lead in this. He says "his sexuality is much different than yours." (pg 400) It seems to me that whenever Eggerichs wants wives to do something, he talks about "differences" and therefore wives can't possibly understand, right? I think wives understand a lot more than Eggerichs gives credit for. First of all, is he saying women don't want or need sex? Or is he saying that men have the capacity to have disconnected sex and women have a harder time with this? He also blatantly states that "You are not visually oriented." (pg 401) There may be some truth that men seem to be more visually oriented, but to tell a woman she is NOT visually oriented-you just can't do that and maintain credibility.

He repeats the often spoken myth that "Husbands particularly, can come under satanic attack when deprived of sexual release." (pg 401) This is rather insulting to women, who can carry very heavy loads in marriage. The bible says "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Cor 7:5. There is nowhere that this states that women are not supposed to deprive men of sex. This says not to deprive EACH OTHER.

He repeats other myths that "Men are often LURED into affairs because they are SEXUALLY DEPRIVED at home." Eggerichs literally states that "he is the VICTIM of temptation that his wife helped bring upon him." (pg 404) Interestingly, he then quotes Proverbs 2:16 saying "discretion will deliver you from the strange woman..." Right. Not your wife. Your own discretion and wisdom will deliver you. But Eggerichs places blame upon the wife and calls the man a victim. Eggerichs mentions nowhere how wives may have similar temptations and that wives might be LURED and that their husband's behavior might bring this upon them and how wives may be victims. Men and women are both responsible for their choices and behavior but if Eggerichs mentioned this, at least he would be consistent and not women blaming.

Eggerichs talks about "being TRAPPED by an adulteress." (pg 405) He had an affair. So what did the man do? Did he realize that wisdom and discretion should have delivered him? No, his WIFE realized that she had been too busy. She calls this cheating man who risked marriage, family, business, reputation, his walk with the Lord and being willing to risk his wife to STDs, a "good willed man." After he did these things "She started speaking with GREAT RESPECT to her husband"...and they "immediately shared a very intimate sexual experience." Eww. I bet they did. Some men really like power and domination.

Eggerichs continues to talk about men "who had been DEPRIVED of sexual release and ultimately strayed." (pg 407) Aside from the one instance where we are told it had been years, which is admittedly sad, we have no idea what deprivation means. Is deprivation years? Is it a couple days? Did she refuse to wear that wig? Did she refuse a three-some? Did she refuse to watch porn? We have no idea. Once again, the wife takes blame "she contributed to the problem." (pg 407)

Eggerichs again says men don't open up to their wives. And if they are thinking about porn and cheating and such, it's no wonder. He says men can't share with wives so they "clam up," especially after being scolded. Again, what exactly did he share that upset her? If he clams up after sharing that he wants her to watch hard-core porn with him and she was upset about it, that's just a him problem. She doesn't share in it and has no responsibility to do this or have it labeled as "deprivation" and a reason to cheat.

Eggerichs claims that "As you recognize his need and seek to meet it, you will find him reaching out to meet yours." Really? Because it doesn't always work out like that. (pg 412)

Lastly, and ironically, Eggerichs states that "he will feel you appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy when.....you don't try and make him open up to you verbally by depriving him of sex." (pg 412) But this is exactly the advice he gives to wives......wives should open up sexually while he is depriving you of emotional and other support. If a wife has actually been depriving her husband, it is true that she should open up and the same for a husband. Sometimes one person can turn around a power struggle by taking the first step. And sometimes, that doesn't work at all. It's really odd after talking for a couple chapters about how men are the leaders, that he wants women to lead now with no explanation as to his shift in stance except that if she doesn't, she's partially at fault if he cheats.

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

Shop at our Amazon store! This website is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.