Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Twenty Three

Installment #23 Love & Respect

I have now completed the book. This will be my last installment and then I will do a conclusion.

Eggerichs begins to talk about "The Rewarded Cycle." This is Eggerichs out if his philosophy doesn't work on your marriage. First, he says that both spouses must be of "goodwill" but remember he lumps in cheaters, workaholics, alcoholics and a man who threw a dish in his wife's face in this category.

After talking about male leadership and hierarchy and how important it is for the man to be in charge in marriage, he says to both spouses "you must be the first to act on these principles," bringing confusion into the mix and speaks as if he has been talking about mutuality this whole time. (pg 422 Large Print)

When Eggerichs talks about "The Rewarded Cycle" I really hear echos of "Women Who Love Too Much." In previous installments, I talk about how the author, Robin Norwood, a therapist, helps women in marriages "When you keep wishing and hoping he'll change." In this, she talks about letting go of control and to "Respect this other person enough to allow the struggle to be his, not yours" and to let him go enough to face his own fears. (pg 239 Women Who Love Too Much) I believe that the women who have gotten the most out of Eggerichs book practice this type of "letting go" respect and the ones who are hurt the most by this book practice ensmallination, which is exactly the opposite of what they should be doing. The problem with this book is that Eggerichs makes no differentiation between the two and, given his examples, I don't believes he knows the difference. The reader is left to try and figure this out on her own. I do believe that if a woman practices Norwood's form of respect that it does play out as Eggerichs describes in the good examples in his book and that it is indeed, practicing respect as unto the Lord. But Eggerichs simply does not make clear what respect really is.

Eggerichs calls his teachings "biblical truth" and makes his teachings on par with Christ's teachings. (pg 431)

Then, if these things don't work, it's your fault. "And if you doubt the reality of Christ, if He is not truly Lord of your life, it won't work." (pg 439) This has echoes of the prosperity gospel where if you don't get healed, you just didn't have enough faith! Here's some more blame: "Unsuccessful couples want it easy. They want it now.....this approach is the epitome of immaturity." (pg 440) So many of these things have an echo of truth to them but only if the word is rightly divided.

Eggerichs give examples of a woman who suffered physical and verbal abuse and, although Eggerichs condemns this, he once again states that HER changed behavior-she "wasn't showing him respect" (pg 441) improved the relationship "considerably." Eggerichs talks about "rage" and praises his mother who made excuses for his raging father. (pg 449) He talks about a husband who had been "unfaithful"..."numerous times" and how "counseling transformed her husband" but SHE "continued to be angry and full of hate" and she decided to "respect him" not based on his behavior. Once again, if this is Norwood's version of respect....fine, but I fear emsmallination is what she may actually be doing here and that is dangerous. Once again Eggerichs quotes a woman with "biblical grounds for divorce," which we all know is adultery (pg 476) and "an unfaithful husband." (pg 478) All these are apparently "men of good-will" that were fixed by their wives having more respect for them. The most dangerous thing that I find in the book is no clarity for women and basically a carte blanche to men who are all said to have some form of "goodwill."

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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