Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Six

Installment #6

I am now on page 86 of Love & Respect.

What I have seen so far is that Eggerichs has said a number of times that the problem in marriages and the missing piece that no one is talking about is that the wife must respect her husband. "This book is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs-respect." (pg 15) "What was missing was that very short phrase, 'the wife must respect her husband.'" (pg 84) "Respect is, indeed, the missing part of the puzzle" (pg 20) and that there are things about it that God's Word "clearly says." (pg 58)

So the desperate wife reading begins to understand that the lack of love she feels from her husband is in her control. It's actually her fault "But if she does stop to think, she will realize that she started the whole thing with her criticism." (pg 72)

There isn't really a clear definition given about what respect really is but by the anecdotes given and the disparaging comments about women "hammering" their husbands over jobs not done around the house or ignoring their anniversary for a decade and then buying a birthday card, a woman gets the idea that even though she may be exasperated and overworked and has asked for help repeatedly, that she can't really trust what she sees and feels with her own eyes and her own mind. What her husband is doing isn't contempt for her. She must continue to give her husband the benefit of the doubt and continue to believe that he has her best interests at heart but that they simply have different ways of communicating which Eggerichs calls "pink and blue." Asking her husband for help and being continuously ignored isn't contempt for her, apparently it's him trying his best and simply being a man.

Eggerichs claims women also need respect but that it's not her primary driver like it is for men. He doesn't really base this on anything besides his opinion on the greeting card industry.

Eggerichs seems to admit that women's complaints usually begin in a loving fashion "she will....seek to help change him by her loving criticism and complaints, which eventually feel like contempt to him." (pg 89) So what I see here is that Eggerichs saying that most women express their needs in a loving way at the start, these needs apparently get ignored so her continuing to complain feels like contempt to him. Does this mean that men feel they deserve a woman who never has a need or expresses it and that a man translates a woman voicing them as disrespect? It would appear so. This sounds like male entitlement. Woman-ensmallinate yourself and stop being a person with needs and wants of your own.

Eggerichs again states that "the scriptures plainly taught about the male need for respect." (pg 89) Do they though? The scriptures do say that a wife should reverence her husband. Some scholars believe that Eph 5:33 says that a man should love his wife so that a wife can reverence her husband. So it can at least be debated.

Eggerichs states that "Respect is the key to motivating a husband." (pg 90) "A man who has basic goodwill will serve his wife and even die for her." (pg 93) Just don't ask him to pick up his own towels because it's easier to have a fantasy notion of being noble and courageous and being willing to die for your wife in battle than it is to actually die to yourself a little and pick up your own towels.

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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