Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Part Seven

Installment #7 Love & Respect

Eggerichs goes on to talk about respect being man's deepest value. He says husbands are to value their wives as equals. He reiterates over and over the women should give unconditional respect to their husbands and that the Bible teaches this. (pg 98) Again, the implication is made that if you disagree with Eggerichs opinion, you disagree with God because Eggerichs has made his opinion on this equal to the Bible. He says that women have been bombarded by the "wrong interpretation of submission." I can agree with that but again, Eggerichs is saying it's HIS opinion on this that is correct.

As I read, it was mostly the same arguments over and over apparently to "hammer" (no pun intended, Emerson) this in.

My eyes were beginning to glaze over UNTIL!!! Eggerichs begins to talk to and about husbands and love. He only says a little on this and then begins to talk about what Eggerichs seems to believe is a crowning achievement concerning his message. A man, who threw a dish at his wife and left a "small cut" was taken to jail. This man gives a lengthy, flowery speech about how after two days in jail "I had been totally emotionally ruined and rebuilt." This man had the epiphany about how to love his wife. His wife contacted Eggerichs because SHE was "mightily convicted about my need for learning this vital aspect of my wifely role.....wives and respect." She never even mentioned the "dish in the face" to Eggerichs, which he seems to think is fantastic. Even though the man was court ordered to do domestic violence counseling, after a year had passed, his pastor supported him in discussing marriage with other men and now he and his wife meet with other couples to discuss domestic issues like the couple had." (pg 146)

Jaw. Drop.

This is absolutely unbelievable. I can see a guy writing a book and thinking his book is great. I can see a domestic abuser thinking this is great. I can see an ignorant pastor believing this is some kind of miracle. But what is absolutely astounding is that Focus on the Family endorsed this book! They should absolutely know better. Marriage has been made into an idol. They are, after all Focus on the FAMILY and NOT Focus on Jesus.

My mind explodes in so many directions on reading this I just can't even.

First of all, people need to understand that abuse is based in deception. Sure a man could have an epiphany and a heart change. But what doesn't change overnight, is the man claims in two days he was emotionally ruined and rebuilt. His wife calls begging for information to ensmallinate herself. She badly wants to and needs to ensmallinate herself. Let me tell you what I think is happening here. Here is a man that was in big trouble. He stepped over the line. He was embarrassed. Could he have gotten an epiphany? Sure. But it's much more likely that he was trying to save face. He spiritualizes it all because he knows his wife will buy it. He needs her buy in or none of this works. She has been praying for a miracle for years! Eggerichs Love and Respect book makes his wife fall right into her husbands hands like putty. His "ephiphany" makes her fall into his hands. Her pastor's support makes her fall into his hands.

Do you know why I don't believe this man's story? It's the behavior of the wife that gives it away. This poor woman is terrified, probably scared for her life. She never mentions the dish to the face because she knows she will pay at home if she does. She BEGS for a way to ensmallinate herself because if she can find a way to do so this makes her SAFE. She flies under his radar. Maybe she won't be killed or get another dish to the face.

This is the fake "respect" that Eggerichs is touting. A "respect" that ensmallinates which is desired by men for control and by women for safety. Reading this is infuriating! But these are the types of messages given to women who need help on the daily.

A true Biblical respect would say "I respect you enough as a person to expect you to do the right things. I will not bail you out. You are man enough to step up." That's respect. The problem with giving some men true Biblical respect is that it is DANGEROUS. The "respect" Eggerichs is espousing is a cow-towing, ensmallinating denial of reality. And I don't judge women in abusive situations as to what they do because many of these men force women to lie to them because the men can't face reality. It's coercion. (It's also the spirit of pornography and addiction.) It starts small and lives on a spectrum that goes all the way to murder. Many women were raised in households full of denial and unreality. Climbing out of that mind prison can be unbelievably difficult.

This writing is the copyright of Lynne Johnson-Yohnk and was posted with her permission. It was originally posted on her Paradigm Shift Page. Additional articles may be viewed here.

Page added December 25, 2025

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